You want what now?

I'm getting real tired of the fraternity right about now. They've been trying to get me to do things that I refuse to do, because I have no interest or have previous plans. They don't even ask if I want to do it, they just sign me up. I got to spend this morning sending out e-mails saying that I could not attend what they have decided to volunteer me to do.I don't think they get it, I'm done...it's their job to entertain me now, I've served my time and done the work. Now it's my turn to float on their work for events.

...

For those of you who didn't know, or just forgot like me, Ernest Hemingway is utterly boring.

My own personal hell

I wake up to go to class, I come home and lock myself in my room until it's time to go to sleep again. I can't think of anything that could bring me joy, the games I enjoyed are just there...the people I normally hang out with are around but I don't want to be there.I have firmly stated in the past that I have issues understanding clinical depression because I have never fallen into a rut that I couldn't pull myself out of. I have watched family die slowly, I have buried friends and family, I have watched dreams die; and none of that has ever made me feel like I could even begin to understand clinical depression. Now I think I'm beginning to understand.You went somewhere you knew that I could not follow, you made sure of that, you left me behind after everything we have been through. Were you that afraid that you had found something that could make you happy, or were you so afraid that you have wasted so much time on a loser? Your only reason you gave was that you didn't know if I was truly what you wanted...that you doubted if I was good enough.I feel like a shell that only does things because it is expected of me.Even with all that I know things can never really go back, there are things you can't take away and can't undo. I am constantly reminded that "you can never go home again"The only comfort I can give myself is that the one year, eight months, and seven days were some of the best of my life.I have stared at this screen wondering if I should post it, wondering if I should back out, wondering if I should hide. But I'm beginning to doubt my ability to pull myself through this and I think I need the help of my friends.

it burns...it buuurrrns

I never thought I's own another bible...hell I already own 3 and I don't want any of them (one for Sunday school, one for confirmation classes, and one as a gift for confirmation).Now I have a fourth, "The Jewish Bible" Tanakh the Holy Scriptures. I need it for my Quest for human destiny class, and the prof there is by far the funniest jew in the world.I was thinking, when I read this, should I use a twenty as a bookmark?

very very mad world

My legs are on fire, I've got several welts on my torso and head, I'm staying up late to clean...kinda; And you know what I'm content.I got back from playing some indoor paintball at factory paintball in North Chicago. It was me, my fraternity brothers Russum, Bedoe, Russum's friend, Spork, and Socks. Socks gave us some fun pointers...and a lot of paint...in the face. Go ahead and give me that shun look about my JT, but I like it, and I think that I handle it decently well.Thanks for making it out Socks, we enjoyed having your experience and good natured-ness. I'll get you them pictures as soon as I get them from Russum.We must do this again.